scarecrow poetics/essays

Is to be gay more liberating when addressing affections
I question myself of late, and late at night
Not too seriously yet with inner contention
I have loved two men in my life
And as most alphas would have experienced
I am bound to them by blood and money I owe
Yet be it a revelation within me
Or merely a mature acceptance donated by age
I for one am a heterosexual
Living in some form of metropolis
Yet not fond of the term metrosexual
I love women and one woman more than anyone
Yet I have seemingly fallen for a man
Not biblically nor sexually, as it is ...
We have never met, and never locked eyes
He is more a flesh and blood casing for his mind
It is the mind of the man that I desire to be intertwined with
He has made me laugh, cry, regret confess and think
More than any other has done in my years on our planet
I feel I want to buy him a glass of the finest wine
The most sumptuous main courses he devours
All he has spoken to me of on countless occasion
Yet we have never met, never passed on the street
Once I went to find him, but I blushed
I blushed on the plane, on the bus, and again on the subway
Such was the nature of my affliction friends
I couldn't dismount from the A train
And thus I got lost, not geographically you understand
Lost in my thoughts, locked in conflict, utterly lost ...
I longed to overcome my fear of the handshake that I had dreamed of
Yet the moment had passed, like a rat o'er shoe in manhattan
Nevertheless my affections have grown stronger and now I feel fulfilled
I have a friend who I can turn to, and I don't need to talk to him
As when he talks to me I get comfortably lost
And that is where I find my bliss.

Stephen Monaghan © 2006.